Wow....

When was the last time I updated this thing??? I can't even remember. All I remember was how frustrated I was, and how things were going to the crapper. But since then a ray of sunshine has come through and it's given me hope:
The babysitting issue resolved itself. A dear friend of mine volunteered to watch my son when she wasn't in school, which meant I didn't have to find daycare for him. It's such a relief to know great friends can be there to help you in time of distress. I don't know what I would do without them :) I hope that when they are in distress as well I can be there to help them as much as they have helped me. It's literally saved our butts!
I haven't made it to church but I'm gonna try really hard this summer to make it as much as I can. I met with my pre-med advisor who totally rolled her eyes when I told her I wanted to take an accelerated Physics class for half of summer. She probably said the word "NO" 15 times. Then she rolled her eyes again when I explained my need to get A's and feelings of being a failure if I got anything lower than an A-. She told me to just take summer off and get my bearings back together. Obviously I'm not gonna go through summer without doing anything because I have all this leadership, community service, and physician shadowing that I have to do. If I rack up enough hours then I'll stay on track for applications next year; if not, then I'll have to stay behind one year. Each option has its pros and cons and I'm very torn on the decision. I thought I had decided what was best but then the pros of the other option are better in the long run. My advisor asked me why I was in such a rush, and honestly, I could not give her a clear answer. I don't know why I'm in such a rush. I think it's because of financial reasons, and I just want to be done with school as fast as I can. I don't want to be nearing 40 by the time I'm done with everything. But then I'm only 23 and I still have a long time to finish school.
Today I went up to the school for a PreMed Women's Conference that my school was putting out for pre-med women, and I decided to go to see what other female doctors and med students had to say. I worked all night last night and decided to stay up all day for this, and I'm back at work again (by the time I go to bed again, it'll be 48 hours since I finished sleeping last). It was the best thing I've done in a while. These doctors and med students described their fears and obstacles, and I could totally relate to every one of them, such as the disappointments that are so overwhelming because we tend to run ourselves down with thoughts of worthlessness and how we'll never become doctors, and the problems we have with some people thinking we're crazy and that we should not walk down this path, and how they've been able to overcome those things. This workshop was the best thing for me, right now, because it put things in perspective once again. They said that it's okay to have a bad semester, and all you can do is explain that to the admissions committees of what happened. Bad things happen to the best of us and there's not much that we can do to control those problems. They also said getting into medical school takes a lot of perseverance, and we need to be able to pick ourselves up off the floor every time we get beaten down because it's gonna happen multiple times, and we need to be able to show our strength when that happens. I could go on and on about how awesome it was to talk to these students and doctors and ask them all sorts of questions, but I don't have all day....
So here I am. I still have a slight amount of strength left in me to finish this semester. I did well on my Chemistry exam and that helped quite a bit. I did poorly on the Physiology exam but my professor isn't giving up hope for me that I can get out of this funk by the end of the semester. I just took a Calculus exam and I'm getting it back on tuesday, and it was an easy exam, so I'm hoping for an awesome score. Chemistry lab ended and all I have is the last exam and a comprehensive final to help boost my score up (if the final exam is good then we replace 2 of our lowest exam scores with that final score). I finished my research and I'm pretty much done writing my paper. Wrapping up the semester feels better and it's helping my stress level.
Life at home is a little hectic... we're gearing up to put our place on the market. We have to short sell which isn't always fun but what can we do... I've been kinda looking around for other places to live and I've found some cute townhomes for rent. Hopefully we can move out by the end of the year.
My son turned 2 years old one week ago. I can't believe he's 2. Time does fly when you have children; it's so crazy. We got him a cat (we named it Hercules) and he just loves the cat. He even sits down next to it with a book and reads it to the cat. Such a sweetie.
Anyway. My nerves are calm and under control... I think I can survive another 3 weeks of this. Then my focus shifts to extracurricular activities for the summer.