That actually has two meanings:
1) I do have down time which is why I'm posting, and
2) It's been a rough couple of weeks, which is why I'm down.
My midterms were a disaster. I improved in Chemistry but my score was still unacceptable and I got lower exams scores in Physiology and Calculus. My poor husband had to bear with me as I came home from school the day I found out my last two exam scores bawling my eyes out and crying so hard I could've hyperventilated if he hadn't told me everything was going to be fine. I haven't had that hard of a sobbing session for a year! I figured I was overdue for one. But now my meltdowns are coming weekly (sometimes biweekly if it's a bad week), and thoughts keep running through my head that maybe I should just give everything up. It's getting really tough. And seriously, TOUGH. Tough as in "there's nothing harder in life as far as school goes than this" tough. But I know there's a lot harder classes out there and harder majors and this is probably a breeze. But for me and the situation I'm in... it's been a rollercoaster. No wonder no moms want to go through this. It's too much work. And who knows if it'll pay off at the end? Who knows if I'll get accepted to med school? What if I don't? What will I do? I can't imagine life being anything but a doctor, so if I don't get in after all this hard work, I might lose it and have to spend a few weeks in a psych ward. But I MUST keep my chin up, and that's what I keep telling myself. I had an awesome semester last semester, and it was time for things to get really bad. And this is it, right now. One thing that has been affecting my school performance was the fact that my son wasn't sleeping through the night. He was getting up between 5-10x/night. We finally took him to the pediatrician last week to figure something out, and we had to medicate him for three nights in order to get him back to the sleep schedule he was supposed to be in. And it worked great. He's not medicated anymore and he's sleeping through the night... except for last night because he got a terrible cold and his poor little nose is like a running faucet, and he's coughing a ton at night, which wakes him up. So anyway. But other than that, he's doing better. His vocabulary has exploded in the last two weeks, which means less temper tantrums because he can communicate his wants instead of whining and throwing himself on the floor.
I've been trying to get ahead on my school work and trying to truly understand it all. I was having a hard time with Calculus for a while, but I finally got over the "hump" and things are crystal clear again. Chemistry is getting easier so I'm hoping for a better test score next time. See, here's the thing: when I think about getting good grades, because that's what every pre-med student should be doing (trying to be top of their class), I see grading as A then F. For me there's no B's or C's or D's. It's either I do really well or I fail, because if I don't come first, then I'm a loser, do you see what I'm saying? So it's been a struggle accepting the fact that it's okay to get a B+. But I just hate that thought. And these grades I've been getting are not even B's. They're lower. Which makes me so anxious and disappointed in myself. I used to be a really good student until this semester so I don't know where I derailed.
But in other news, next week is spring break. I'm so thrilled! I need a break so badly. I haven't had a day off since President's Day, and I'm going to savor and enjoy every last minute of next week. I'm gonna go get a mani/pedi, get a massage, and I'll be doing some physician shadowing on monday which I'm so excited about, and then on thursday my husband and I are going out of town for the night to celebrate our 5-yr anniversary that came and went on the 5th. It'll be a great week! I can't hardly wait!
Happy days ahead!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Phew!
Busy week this past week... holy hannah, there's SO much that happened!
I had three exams this week. It was tough, but easier than last time since they were all on different days. Calculus was on tuesday, Physiology was on wednesday, and Chemistry was on friday. I wasn't too happy with the Calculus test; he made it tough this time, but I guess I deserved it because I didn't study very long for it. Hopefully I get better than a B on it. Then Physiology was good, nothing major to complain about... and then Chemistry: the big bad wolf in my life right now. I studied for EVER and knew pretty much every question except this one that my professor only skimmed through in lecture and didn't go into it at all, and then she comes around and asks a difficult question on it when clearly we weren't prepared for! Everyone was pretty ticked. It was lame. And it was worth the most points on the test (12% of the test score was this problem). Whatever. I give up.
So besides studying my tail off all week, my husband's grandpa passed away two thursday's ago, and his funeral was on friday. I have a hard time going to funerals because whenever I look at the person's body, I feel like I need to start doing chest compressions because they're not breathing. And I hate the sadness and the fact that they're gone... *sigh* he was my closest grandpa (geographically), and now I have no grandparents in this country! But my sister in law came from Florida and it was nice to see her and hang out with her for a while.
Also, on friday, it was mine and my husband's five year wedding anniversary. I had taken funeral leave from work because I thought the funeral was going to be later in the day, and because it turned out it was early in the day, I took the opportunity to have the night off and go out to dinner with my husband and my son. We went to a brazilian restaurant and it was the best $60 (yes, I know, so expensive!) I've spent in a long time. The food is always delicious, and although I get full, I don't feel crummy like I do when I eat at american restaurants. Strange.
On the home front, my son is not doing well. He's been throwing the worst tantrums and not sleeping well. He either sleeps all night or he wakes up 5-10x/night. It's crazy. I don't know what's going on, but I thought that maybe he wasn't getting all his energy out during the day, so I started taking him to the playground when I could, but he was still sleeping horribly at night. I just may have to take him to the doctor because we haven't changed any routines lately and I don't know how else to help him. I read online, however, that this could happen when they're reaching a major developmental milestone. It coincides with the time his vocabulary exploded, so I think there's a correlation.
We also got our hefty tax return a couple of weeks ago, and we bought ourselves a luxurious TV with a nice entertainment center, and then a new fridge and a new dishwasher (which just happened to be too big for the places they were being placed into, so I had to return them). So now we're on the hunt for a smaller fridge, and we'll probably use the money from the dishwasher for our summer fun activities for when my dad comes to visit us from Brazil.
Oh, and some fabulous news: my pre-med advisor introduced me to another potential pre-med mom! I'm so thrilled. I'm hoping this will help me with my "loneliness" and getting through my struggles. It's so tough not knowing anyone who's doing what I'm doing, and I know this will help tremendously. It always helps to do tough things with friends that know how bad it is :) But like I've said a million times, I'd much rather be struggling than sitting on the couch all day doing nothing. I'm not like that. I can't stay home and not have a fulfilling life. Yeah, it's difficult and the road is very rocky, but it'll payoff big time at the end and I'll be glad I went through all this hell to get there.
When I was cleaning my house today (which, I know my house appreciated it since I was neglecting it for quite a while due to all those exams!), I was listening to my IPod and was listening to the lyrics of "One in a million" by the Backstreet Boys. If you ever have a chance, look up those lyrics. The song described me almost identically to what the song was about.
Lastly, I got this letter a couple of MONTHS ago and totally forgot to share on here: apparently I was placed on the President's List at the community college that I attended up until last semester for taking 15 credits and getting a 3.9 GPA. Too bad they didn't know that I was also working full-time and taking care of a family, otherwise I think they would've given me a huge prize besides that dinky letter. But at least it's a recognition I can use on my medical school application!
Well, I think that's it for now. Will write more later!
I had three exams this week. It was tough, but easier than last time since they were all on different days. Calculus was on tuesday, Physiology was on wednesday, and Chemistry was on friday. I wasn't too happy with the Calculus test; he made it tough this time, but I guess I deserved it because I didn't study very long for it. Hopefully I get better than a B on it. Then Physiology was good, nothing major to complain about... and then Chemistry: the big bad wolf in my life right now. I studied for EVER and knew pretty much every question except this one that my professor only skimmed through in lecture and didn't go into it at all, and then she comes around and asks a difficult question on it when clearly we weren't prepared for! Everyone was pretty ticked. It was lame. And it was worth the most points on the test (12% of the test score was this problem). Whatever. I give up.
So besides studying my tail off all week, my husband's grandpa passed away two thursday's ago, and his funeral was on friday. I have a hard time going to funerals because whenever I look at the person's body, I feel like I need to start doing chest compressions because they're not breathing. And I hate the sadness and the fact that they're gone... *sigh* he was my closest grandpa (geographically), and now I have no grandparents in this country! But my sister in law came from Florida and it was nice to see her and hang out with her for a while.
Also, on friday, it was mine and my husband's five year wedding anniversary. I had taken funeral leave from work because I thought the funeral was going to be later in the day, and because it turned out it was early in the day, I took the opportunity to have the night off and go out to dinner with my husband and my son. We went to a brazilian restaurant and it was the best $60 (yes, I know, so expensive!) I've spent in a long time. The food is always delicious, and although I get full, I don't feel crummy like I do when I eat at american restaurants. Strange.
On the home front, my son is not doing well. He's been throwing the worst tantrums and not sleeping well. He either sleeps all night or he wakes up 5-10x/night. It's crazy. I don't know what's going on, but I thought that maybe he wasn't getting all his energy out during the day, so I started taking him to the playground when I could, but he was still sleeping horribly at night. I just may have to take him to the doctor because we haven't changed any routines lately and I don't know how else to help him. I read online, however, that this could happen when they're reaching a major developmental milestone. It coincides with the time his vocabulary exploded, so I think there's a correlation.
We also got our hefty tax return a couple of weeks ago, and we bought ourselves a luxurious TV with a nice entertainment center, and then a new fridge and a new dishwasher (which just happened to be too big for the places they were being placed into, so I had to return them). So now we're on the hunt for a smaller fridge, and we'll probably use the money from the dishwasher for our summer fun activities for when my dad comes to visit us from Brazil.
Oh, and some fabulous news: my pre-med advisor introduced me to another potential pre-med mom! I'm so thrilled. I'm hoping this will help me with my "loneliness" and getting through my struggles. It's so tough not knowing anyone who's doing what I'm doing, and I know this will help tremendously. It always helps to do tough things with friends that know how bad it is :) But like I've said a million times, I'd much rather be struggling than sitting on the couch all day doing nothing. I'm not like that. I can't stay home and not have a fulfilling life. Yeah, it's difficult and the road is very rocky, but it'll payoff big time at the end and I'll be glad I went through all this hell to get there.
When I was cleaning my house today (which, I know my house appreciated it since I was neglecting it for quite a while due to all those exams!), I was listening to my IPod and was listening to the lyrics of "One in a million" by the Backstreet Boys. If you ever have a chance, look up those lyrics. The song described me almost identically to what the song was about.
Lastly, I got this letter a couple of MONTHS ago and totally forgot to share on here: apparently I was placed on the President's List at the community college that I attended up until last semester for taking 15 credits and getting a 3.9 GPA. Too bad they didn't know that I was also working full-time and taking care of a family, otherwise I think they would've given me a huge prize besides that dinky letter. But at least it's a recognition I can use on my medical school application!
Well, I think that's it for now. Will write more later!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Quick update
I have to hurry as I have a terrible feeling that my son is destroying whatever he's touching right now.
I did well on that Physiology exam. I got an A in it. That's always good news!
I'm stalling with Chemistry again. I'm thinking of not getting a minor in Chem anymore. It's too hard and honestly, not worth it since I already have an Associate's Degree. But I still need to keep going (need 3 more Chem classes), so I don't know what to do.
And guess what?! I've got three exams next week. I just had exams! What the heck! At least they're spaced out now so I'll have time to study in between tests.
Last week was a train wreck from you-know-where. My son hit the Terrible Two's stage and screamed and cried all of last week, not to mention the horrible temper tantrums and lack of afternoon naps. I had a meltdown myself, and it escalated to the point where my husband had to put up with him on saturday night by himself while I was at work. That night they didn't go to sleep until 5am sunday morning. Good grief. But now things are better- I switched the door lock on the handle to his room to be on the outside, and he's sleeping better and eating better, and the tantrums are considerably less than last week. Thanks goodness! I thought the world was going to end.
Research is going well. Studying dopamine now. It's too bad that there hasn't been too much research done on dopamine, but I get around it by looking at databases. It's awesome stuff. Computer programming, on the other hand, not so awesome. It really blows. Dr. H is helping me with it but I don't get it. Maybe I need to give it time, or I might just drop it altogether. We'll see.
My husband and I have our 5 year wedding anniversary coming up on the 5th of March and we won't be doing anything for it until week of Spring Break. I'm excited because we're going out of town overnight without our son. We've never been on vacation just us two so it should be interesting.
K, gotta go!
I did well on that Physiology exam. I got an A in it. That's always good news!
I'm stalling with Chemistry again. I'm thinking of not getting a minor in Chem anymore. It's too hard and honestly, not worth it since I already have an Associate's Degree. But I still need to keep going (need 3 more Chem classes), so I don't know what to do.
And guess what?! I've got three exams next week. I just had exams! What the heck! At least they're spaced out now so I'll have time to study in between tests.
Last week was a train wreck from you-know-where. My son hit the Terrible Two's stage and screamed and cried all of last week, not to mention the horrible temper tantrums and lack of afternoon naps. I had a meltdown myself, and it escalated to the point where my husband had to put up with him on saturday night by himself while I was at work. That night they didn't go to sleep until 5am sunday morning. Good grief. But now things are better- I switched the door lock on the handle to his room to be on the outside, and he's sleeping better and eating better, and the tantrums are considerably less than last week. Thanks goodness! I thought the world was going to end.
Research is going well. Studying dopamine now. It's too bad that there hasn't been too much research done on dopamine, but I get around it by looking at databases. It's awesome stuff. Computer programming, on the other hand, not so awesome. It really blows. Dr. H is helping me with it but I don't get it. Maybe I need to give it time, or I might just drop it altogether. We'll see.
My husband and I have our 5 year wedding anniversary coming up on the 5th of March and we won't be doing anything for it until week of Spring Break. I'm excited because we're going out of town overnight without our son. We've never been on vacation just us two so it should be interesting.
K, gotta go!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Better week!
Whoa. When was the last time I updated this? Seems like forever ago. Maybe it hasn't, but it just felt that way because so much has happened in the last week.
So, from the top:
Calculus: HA! Scored a 94% on the exam. That is some AWESOME news right there. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, I was so thrilled! Then we got into derivatives with trigonometric functions and then I had to wipe that smile off my face really fast. I'm hoping my professor will explain it a little more because I really don't get it, especially that darn "Chain Rule".
Chemistry: the first exam was last wednesday and it was a train wreck. I couldn't finish it- it was too long, and I was drawing a blank. I ended up being late coming home so my husband could go to work and that frustrated me even more. Good thing they're very understanding at his work for him being late or I would've had a cow. Anyway. Got my exam score on friday. Needless to say, I can't even share on here how badly I did because it was the worst exam score I've gotten. EVER. It's embarrassing. I was so upset I was shaking. I'm having a tough time in this class. I think I just need to spend a little more time studying it. It seems it always get put in the backburner for whatever reason and I need to quit doing that. I emailed my teacher of how frustrating that was and she comforted me and told me that if it ends up being the worst score of all the 5 exams, then I can drop this one. THANK GOODNESS. Ah, and lab you ask? Still scared out of my pants every friday, but this past friday lab was easy, although the questions on the report are way hard and I don't get it at all. One good thing happening this week though: NO LAB! I'm so happy I can't even contain myself.
Physiology: also had an exam last wednesday (I know, I got so lucky...) and I was just petrified. I spent 5 days studying for it because his sample exams scared me half to death. They're REALLY hard, possibly the hardest and longest test I've taken. When I was walking from the train station up to class, I caught up with one of the TA's for the class, who also just happens to be Pre-Med, and he told me it was all going to be fine and he understood my need to not just "pass the course", but to also be one of the best in the class. The exam went great. I knew just about everything on it, and was even able to draw the Phospholipase C Signal Transduction Pathway (hardest question on the exam) from memory without messing any of it up. What a relief! I'll probably find out the score tomorrow, so I'm hoping for the best.
Research: I'm back on the wagon again! Dr. H probably felt bad about what he told me a couple weeks ago and he wants me to continue studying blue eyes/aggression. I'm excited because now I'm having to study some Biochemical pathways which are supporting my hypothesis. It's a great feeling to be moving forward. I'm also in the process of figuring out how to work with a database called ALFRED, out of Yale University, and it deals with genetics and allele frequencies in world populations. As far as the Python thing, it's not going well. I think I may take Dr. H up on the idea that if it's too much of a headache, I can drop it and work around it. So we'll see.
In other news, my husband and I celebrated Valentine's Day early and went out to dinner last friday. It was a great date. I ended up having to work all weekend, and got little homework done. Work was busy. Then today was my first day off since Martin Luther King Day, so we headed up to a friend's house and had a BBQ. It was great to do nothing! I even got up at 11:30am, which was the best part of it all. My next day off will be Spring Break, week of March 14th. I'm looking forward to that.
My son learned to open doors, which means I have to go to the store and buy those safety things that make it nearly impossible to open a door. He got out of his room twice last night and it was so irritating. He's definitely in the "Terrible Two's" stage and it's been very challenging, partly because I don't know how to deal with it. Good thing we're not doing this again, unless there's another "oopsie moment". I feel bad he won't have another sibling if we can help it, but I'm not good with kids, and we should probably stop while we're ahead. It makes my husband sad, but I'm not sure how to make him and I happy.
Lastly, the best news of the week: we're getting a $3500 tax return! I always feel like I'm going into an execution when I get to my accountant's office, but this year it turned out great. Ah, the possibilities of what to do with the money are infinite: pay off one of the cars, buy a new fridge and a dishwasher (we don't have a dishwasher), put in new windows, get central-air, go on a "spa" day, buy new clothes, new TVs... so many choices! Too bad we can only choose a couple of them. Darn it!
So, from the top:
Calculus: HA! Scored a 94% on the exam. That is some AWESOME news right there. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, I was so thrilled! Then we got into derivatives with trigonometric functions and then I had to wipe that smile off my face really fast. I'm hoping my professor will explain it a little more because I really don't get it, especially that darn "Chain Rule".
Chemistry: the first exam was last wednesday and it was a train wreck. I couldn't finish it- it was too long, and I was drawing a blank. I ended up being late coming home so my husband could go to work and that frustrated me even more. Good thing they're very understanding at his work for him being late or I would've had a cow. Anyway. Got my exam score on friday. Needless to say, I can't even share on here how badly I did because it was the worst exam score I've gotten. EVER. It's embarrassing. I was so upset I was shaking. I'm having a tough time in this class. I think I just need to spend a little more time studying it. It seems it always get put in the backburner for whatever reason and I need to quit doing that. I emailed my teacher of how frustrating that was and she comforted me and told me that if it ends up being the worst score of all the 5 exams, then I can drop this one. THANK GOODNESS. Ah, and lab you ask? Still scared out of my pants every friday, but this past friday lab was easy, although the questions on the report are way hard and I don't get it at all. One good thing happening this week though: NO LAB! I'm so happy I can't even contain myself.
Physiology: also had an exam last wednesday (I know, I got so lucky...) and I was just petrified. I spent 5 days studying for it because his sample exams scared me half to death. They're REALLY hard, possibly the hardest and longest test I've taken. When I was walking from the train station up to class, I caught up with one of the TA's for the class, who also just happens to be Pre-Med, and he told me it was all going to be fine and he understood my need to not just "pass the course", but to also be one of the best in the class. The exam went great. I knew just about everything on it, and was even able to draw the Phospholipase C Signal Transduction Pathway (hardest question on the exam) from memory without messing any of it up. What a relief! I'll probably find out the score tomorrow, so I'm hoping for the best.
Research: I'm back on the wagon again! Dr. H probably felt bad about what he told me a couple weeks ago and he wants me to continue studying blue eyes/aggression. I'm excited because now I'm having to study some Biochemical pathways which are supporting my hypothesis. It's a great feeling to be moving forward. I'm also in the process of figuring out how to work with a database called ALFRED, out of Yale University, and it deals with genetics and allele frequencies in world populations. As far as the Python thing, it's not going well. I think I may take Dr. H up on the idea that if it's too much of a headache, I can drop it and work around it. So we'll see.
In other news, my husband and I celebrated Valentine's Day early and went out to dinner last friday. It was a great date. I ended up having to work all weekend, and got little homework done. Work was busy. Then today was my first day off since Martin Luther King Day, so we headed up to a friend's house and had a BBQ. It was great to do nothing! I even got up at 11:30am, which was the best part of it all. My next day off will be Spring Break, week of March 14th. I'm looking forward to that.
My son learned to open doors, which means I have to go to the store and buy those safety things that make it nearly impossible to open a door. He got out of his room twice last night and it was so irritating. He's definitely in the "Terrible Two's" stage and it's been very challenging, partly because I don't know how to deal with it. Good thing we're not doing this again, unless there's another "oopsie moment". I feel bad he won't have another sibling if we can help it, but I'm not good with kids, and we should probably stop while we're ahead. It makes my husband sad, but I'm not sure how to make him and I happy.
Lastly, the best news of the week: we're getting a $3500 tax return! I always feel like I'm going into an execution when I get to my accountant's office, but this year it turned out great. Ah, the possibilities of what to do with the money are infinite: pay off one of the cars, buy a new fridge and a dishwasher (we don't have a dishwasher), put in new windows, get central-air, go on a "spa" day, buy new clothes, new TVs... so many choices! Too bad we can only choose a couple of them. Darn it!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
12-day run
Well, for these past two weeks I've been either going to school, or working, or both for 12 straight days in a row. Here's how it went:
Days 1-5: went to school, had little sleep (I consider 7 hrs of sleep every night little sleep since I actually need 9-10 to be functioning well), waking up at 6am every morning. So far, so good.
Day 6-7: worked two 12-hr shifts during the day, waking up at 6am every morning. Getting slightly grumpy, but it's bearable.
Day 8: beginning of the school week and dreading Friday's Chem lab. Still waking up at 6am and not doing well. Getting frustrated and wondering why I chose to do this, which led to a complete meltdown while cleaning the master bathroom and my son consistently trying to grab ahold of any chemical bottle he could find. I cried and sobbed for at least half an hour. I ended up putting my son in his room and shutting the door before I lost it, and then when I went back, he was playing with his toys, and upon seeing my red, swollen face, he lovingly said, "Momma? Awww, momma..." and patted my back when I gave him a hug. It was sweet tender moment that reminded me how precious that little guy is and how grateful I am that he is in my life.
Day 9-12: after a good talk with my husband, things were a bit better, and I began having a positive outlook on life once again, although I was still going through the same cruddy schedule and not having enough sleep.
So... what has happened in the last 12 days that have just put me over the edge?!
1) I had a Calculus test. But it wasn't that the test was hard, it was just the thought of having a test. I think I have major test anxiety because I do really well in homework and everything else, but when it comes to testing, I always draw a blank when I take a first look at it. I still don't know the results because the exam was this past thursday. Good thing the material was relatively easy and I would be surprised if I didn't Ace the exam.
2) My hypothesis for my genetics research got shot down. It involved people with blue eyes being less agressive than someone, let's say, with brown eyes. But I was told that was "politically incorrect" and that I should probably look at history more than just look at symptoms from DNA mutation. The crappy thing about this whole ordeal is that I spent so much time research the stupid gene that I actually had a pretty big discovery that left the doctor that helps me quite surprised. I know he wants to help me (he even said he's made some politically incorrect publications), but I was really onto something here, and I'm sad I have to drop it. Too bad people in the world are so ignorant and think that my findings could be "racist", instead of looking at them from a scientific point of view. So dumb because I don't even have blue eyes!!! *sigh* And to top it off: computer programming is the biggest pain in the behind I could ever hope for, and I have to read a 60-page publication on genetics and the economy. Joy.
3) I got a 50% on one of my Physiology quizzes. Granted the quizzes are only worth 4 points, but still. That bothers me. We've had 5 quizzes so far and I've gotten 100% on all but two of them.
4) My chemistry TA is a moron and doesn't know how to teach. He's not helpful at all and I don't understand why I'm still attending discussion sessions when clearly it's not helping me. Good thing the chapters are finally getting easier to understand, which means Chapter 13 was the top of the hill, and everything from there is all down hill.
5) Chemistry Lab scares the H out of me. I hate doing lab work and I'm always terrified I'm going to mess up an experiment so bad that I'll have to start from scratch and not have time to finish. I'm glad that has never happened (this is my 4th chem class), but that thought crosses my mind every day.
6) I got sick and tired of doing everything myself, such as laundry, all the house cleaning, paying bills, getting the mail, cooking, etc... My husband and I decided he was taking on the roll of doing all the laundry and giving our son all the baths. That should take care of some of the stress.
7) And last, the icing on the cake, the big bad wolf of the whole story: I found out both the Chem exam and Physiology exam next week are on the SAME day. Those are my hardest classes, and how do I get so lucky?! It wouldn't be so bad if it was Calc and Phys, or Calc and Chem, but Chem and Phys together?! I hope the "testing gods" will pity me and not allow for that to happen again for the remainder of the semester.
I realize this is a big rant... and I apologize. If anyone reads this thing (which I know two people do!) they probably think I'm the world's most negative person, and surely most depressing as well. Like I said before, I'm just really stressed and still trying to figure out this whole schedule. Once I get into a groove- within the next 2-3 weeks, I should be less grumpy. I hope. :)
To end on a good note: I forgot about the weekly quizzes for chem lab, and since I hadn't studied for it when she announced she was passing them out on tuesday, I just calmed down and made sure I thought all the questions through before moving on to the next one. And it worked: I got a 90%! :D
Days 1-5: went to school, had little sleep (I consider 7 hrs of sleep every night little sleep since I actually need 9-10 to be functioning well), waking up at 6am every morning. So far, so good.
Day 6-7: worked two 12-hr shifts during the day, waking up at 6am every morning. Getting slightly grumpy, but it's bearable.
Day 8: beginning of the school week and dreading Friday's Chem lab. Still waking up at 6am and not doing well. Getting frustrated and wondering why I chose to do this, which led to a complete meltdown while cleaning the master bathroom and my son consistently trying to grab ahold of any chemical bottle he could find. I cried and sobbed for at least half an hour. I ended up putting my son in his room and shutting the door before I lost it, and then when I went back, he was playing with his toys, and upon seeing my red, swollen face, he lovingly said, "Momma? Awww, momma..." and patted my back when I gave him a hug. It was sweet tender moment that reminded me how precious that little guy is and how grateful I am that he is in my life.
Day 9-12: after a good talk with my husband, things were a bit better, and I began having a positive outlook on life once again, although I was still going through the same cruddy schedule and not having enough sleep.
So... what has happened in the last 12 days that have just put me over the edge?!
1) I had a Calculus test. But it wasn't that the test was hard, it was just the thought of having a test. I think I have major test anxiety because I do really well in homework and everything else, but when it comes to testing, I always draw a blank when I take a first look at it. I still don't know the results because the exam was this past thursday. Good thing the material was relatively easy and I would be surprised if I didn't Ace the exam.
2) My hypothesis for my genetics research got shot down. It involved people with blue eyes being less agressive than someone, let's say, with brown eyes. But I was told that was "politically incorrect" and that I should probably look at history more than just look at symptoms from DNA mutation. The crappy thing about this whole ordeal is that I spent so much time research the stupid gene that I actually had a pretty big discovery that left the doctor that helps me quite surprised. I know he wants to help me (he even said he's made some politically incorrect publications), but I was really onto something here, and I'm sad I have to drop it. Too bad people in the world are so ignorant and think that my findings could be "racist", instead of looking at them from a scientific point of view. So dumb because I don't even have blue eyes!!! *sigh* And to top it off: computer programming is the biggest pain in the behind I could ever hope for, and I have to read a 60-page publication on genetics and the economy. Joy.
3) I got a 50% on one of my Physiology quizzes. Granted the quizzes are only worth 4 points, but still. That bothers me. We've had 5 quizzes so far and I've gotten 100% on all but two of them.
4) My chemistry TA is a moron and doesn't know how to teach. He's not helpful at all and I don't understand why I'm still attending discussion sessions when clearly it's not helping me. Good thing the chapters are finally getting easier to understand, which means Chapter 13 was the top of the hill, and everything from there is all down hill.
5) Chemistry Lab scares the H out of me. I hate doing lab work and I'm always terrified I'm going to mess up an experiment so bad that I'll have to start from scratch and not have time to finish. I'm glad that has never happened (this is my 4th chem class), but that thought crosses my mind every day.
6) I got sick and tired of doing everything myself, such as laundry, all the house cleaning, paying bills, getting the mail, cooking, etc... My husband and I decided he was taking on the roll of doing all the laundry and giving our son all the baths. That should take care of some of the stress.
7) And last, the icing on the cake, the big bad wolf of the whole story: I found out both the Chem exam and Physiology exam next week are on the SAME day. Those are my hardest classes, and how do I get so lucky?! It wouldn't be so bad if it was Calc and Phys, or Calc and Chem, but Chem and Phys together?! I hope the "testing gods" will pity me and not allow for that to happen again for the remainder of the semester.
I realize this is a big rant... and I apologize. If anyone reads this thing (which I know two people do!) they probably think I'm the world's most negative person, and surely most depressing as well. Like I said before, I'm just really stressed and still trying to figure out this whole schedule. Once I get into a groove- within the next 2-3 weeks, I should be less grumpy. I hope. :)
To end on a good note: I forgot about the weekly quizzes for chem lab, and since I hadn't studied for it when she announced she was passing them out on tuesday, I just calmed down and made sure I thought all the questions through before moving on to the next one. And it worked: I got a 90%! :D
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